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MODERN DEMANDS ATTENTION, GAZELLE GOES FOR A SPIN AND THE GOLF IMPROVES ITS HANDICAP
AFTER GEZ'S stern dictate/plea that “we’ve got to stop buying cars and get the ones we’ve got on the road”, I thought I’d better focus.
The problem was that there were two more possible cars in the offing and as Gez did say that “we’ve got to stop buying cars” I thought there was a perfectly acceptable caveat to exploit because you can't buy a free car.
Although I was disappointed, it’s probably just as well that one has fallen through – clearly some people’s interpretation of ‘good condition’ is nowhere near mine – but the other is looking very promising. So with this in mind, I took a deep gulp and a hearty of chug of something alcoholic and told Gez. I was expecting complete disappointment and a more than a slight touch of annoyance, but instead I got sheepish laughter followed by a confession – he’d just bought another car. Not just any car but a something called a Status 365 – off went the kit car alarm. The sense of complete disappointment therefore was to experienced not by Gez, but by yours sincerely. I mean A KIT CAR!?!
Anyway, I digress. Spurned into action by the smell of Spring lurking around the corner, I decided to address something which has been bugging the everyday modern for a very long time and which are quite crucial – its brakes.
I had been checking the off-side brake which, although terrible, was no where near as bad as the near-side. If you want to picture what the vented discs were like, well, imagine two crushed Mr Kipling pie trays held together with a packet of Bran Flakes. Clearly there is a God, because the not so terrible disc had developed a shoulder, giving the illusion that the pads had quite a bit of meat on them, when what was really happening was that I was driving around with only one knackered disc functioning fully.
Due to the fact that I pay a garage to service the Focus, I just presume that it’s done properly – but when I checked the oil it looks as if the engine has been refilled with HP Sauce. Hmmm, impressed I am not – so I think I’m going to have to DIY service yet another car and I’ll be interested to see how it compares with the retros. Talking of which...
Inside might look like a book depository, but beneath the old Haynes manuals, the Driver's Eighties German chic interior is in very good health. As for the outside, you could make a wildlife doco about it.
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SC's PLEDGE: "There are no more excuses, an MoT is a very real prospect. At last a running, legal retro!"
What could have been a temperamental solenoid on the Singer, was more likely just a battery which was feeling down in the dumps, because the Gazelle fired up with no problems after a short charge.
The ignition light is constantly on, so I expect to have to invest in either a new regulator or rebuild the dynamo with some new bushes. In the meantime though, with the weather being nice and dry, and the Gazelle eagerly firing into action, I took it for a pootle around the private lanes and tracks which surround the Dep-O. At first it felt like the brakes were sticking, but they soon relented and the Gazelle was fine. Perhaps I’m starting to get a bit old, but I really was shocked by how well it rides and I’m now having serious doubts about lowering the Gazelle into the weeds.
A quick check with the all dash electrics and the lights and we reckon that after a quick patch-up on the sills and a new front numberplate the Gazelle should have its ticket. The only slightly worrying thing is that someone has removed all the bulbs from the rear lamps – I’m hoping and praying it’s not something electrical with a big hairy appetite for making bulbs go bang.
Buoyed by my success, I thought I’d have a shufty at a car which has been neglected for a good five years, my 1990 Golf Driver. It has been left outside on my Mum’s drive ever since being replaced by the Focus and I only changed it because I was told by a garage that the horrible groaning noise was the gearbox on its way to transmission heaven. Wrong – it was a dodgy offside front wheel hub... Hold on, there’s a theme starting to develop here.
The Golf’s main problem is that it’s covered in moss, mildew and all sort of dead vegetation from a long bout of exposure and given that I never really got on with it, I’ve used this as an excuse to conveniently forget about it. That and use it as a temporary storage facility.
Opening the bonnet revealed a complete and utter nightmare, there were cobwebs with cobwebs on and dead leaves everywhere, and I came very close to shutting the bonnet and sauntering down to the pub.
There really was only one tool for this clean-up and because no-one was in, I borrowed the vacuum to clear up what looked like something from an abandoned ghost train. I think I’ve got away with it, but only as long as the parental hoover doesn’t start spewing leaves all over the place.
A quick run through and the Golf’s maladies included a not-quite-dead battery, no petrol, flatish tyres and a seized on handbrake. The tyres were quickly sorted and despite the Golf not being moved for a good two years, they eagerly gobbled up and maintained pressure. After a charge and a splash of petrol, it was time to see if the Dub was going to play ball or bear a grudge.
The first crank did not sound healthy – the starter screamed like a frightened piglet. Bugger. Yet after a second crank the starter calmed down and eased off. Fourth time lucky, following a quick snort of Easy Start, and the Golf was back. It lives! Even if the exhaust clearly doesn’t. Warmed up and idling, I did try and move it around to see if the handbrake would give me a break, but no – so onto the deck I went and out came the big magic hammer.
Bingo! All of a sudden I now have two retros capable of being moved without intervention from man nor beast. Again, all the electrics and even the lights work, so all it needs is a repair to the exhaust front pipe, a new pair of wiper blades and I should have another MoT’d retro.
The only question is, who’s going to get the first MoT ticket? I think things could start to get a bit competitive...
DEP-O JOB SHEET
MkII Golf Driver
Patch up exhaust and sort out the perished wipers because the day of MoT reckoning is nigh.
Singer Gazelle
Investigate the ignition warning light and lack of rear bulbs. Then patch up sill and have a punt at the MoT.
MG Midget
Huston, we have movement! Ebay has come to the rescue. To be continued...
Triumph 2500
Door bottoms replaced and sills coming off. Also to be continued...
