The MiTo, however, is destined to do extraordinarily well, and the Turinese bean-counters at FIAT will care not one jot what a few detractors might say when the company is selling these things by the bargain bucketload. After all, the MiTo is cute and fairly well-equipped, and it’ll certainly appeal to those types who couldn’t wait to import an LHD smart car back in the day, or the kind of people who lust after the MINI Cooper, the same sorts who rushed out and bought the Fiat 500 without a care for its dynamic qualities, good (which they are) or bad. This is the motoring equivalent of the latest Fendi handbag; a trinket, an accessory.

    And that is what sticks in our craw. Because, if you do appreciate history and heritage and all that jazz, this MiTo is a long way short of what an Alfa Romeo should be. We know full well that Alfa is in this business to make money, not friends, and that platform-sharing with more mundane family siblings has been going on for years now as part of sound financial practices (and has turned up some proper motoring gems, in some instances), but even taking those constraints into due consideration, Milan should be able to serve up better products that appeal to true driving enthusiasts than this Blande (sic) Punto in drag. Desirable, in the way a 159 or even a 147 is, this is not.

    As Simon said earlier: it’s enough to make you weep. You want an affordable Alfa that looks good and entertains? Go and buy a used 156 then, and give the MiTo a miss.

Alfa Romeo MiTo

Technical Specification

Engine
1368cc 16v 4-cylinder turbo petrol and 1598cc 16v 4-cylinder turbodiesel

Power
153bhp at 5500rpm (petrol); 118bhp at 3750rpm (diesel)

Torque
169lb ft at 3000rpm (petrol); 236lb ft at 1750rpm (diesel)

0-62mph
8 seconds (petrol); 9.9 seconds (diesel)

Top Speed
134mph (petrol); 123mph (diesel)

Transmission
6-speed manual driving front wheels through Q2 eDiff

Weight
1145kg (petrol); 1205kg (diesel)

Price
From £14,045

The whole truth and nothing but the truth...

Despite every fibre in your being yearning for this to be great, the truth is that this is not a great Alfa Romeo. 

If your black empty little life has never enjoyed the thrills of a great Alfa and if you regard an Alfa as trying too hard to be different, then this will mean nothing to you, but to us, the MiTo is just not good enough.

Honesty dictates that we have to admit that the tarts' favourite, the GerMini, is a better car to drive, even if it is an unimaginative ugly choice that lacks the spark of an Alfasud.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with the MiTo — as an urbane urban runabout it's good — but it just doesn't fizz like a great Alfa should. The chassis is just too flacid to make it a memorable drive, so thankfully chassis revisions are about to be introduced.