Of all the things you probably expected/dreaded about the 2010 General Elections, I bet you didn’t envisage the Audi Quattro playing a leading role in the opening round of bitching.
Labour started this rather juvenile trend with an electronic poster (like the UK, they’ve run out of money and can’t afford paper posters) of the character Gene Hunt with a Cameron head, complete with the logo ‘Don’t Let Him Take Britain Back to the Eighties’.
This more or less made Cameron look like a dynamic leader who doesn’t take any BS (doh!) and invited the jibe against Brown ‘Don’t Let Him Take Britain Back to Seventies’ – where a turbocharged five-cylinder Audi (had it been around then) would have been unable to negotiate Britain’s rubbish-ridden, corpse-ridden, power-cut afflicted Winter of Discontent streets. And yes, there is now a viral image with Brown leaning on a rather splendid Austin Maxi.
All we interested in, was the vital question: is it Harvest Gold or Sandglow?
However, if that wasn’t enough Quattro exposure, the SNP has now had a belated go. Borrowing from the Tory retort: ‘Fire Up The Quattro, It’s Time For Change’ the third version of an already tired joke states:
‘Fire up the Quattro? … Only by voting SNP for fair fuel prices’.
OK, so it’s a good point and one which has been encouraged by Darling’s blatant U-turn on the cider duty increase (hurrah!), but none of these ninnies have really noticed the glaring flaw in this game of Quattro poster ping-pong.
So we’ve come up with the definitive Dep-O version, to show them all how it should be done:
‘Fire up the Quattro? Sorry, can’t. Even though it was a beautiful example, I traded it in with ‘scrappage’ for a subsidised Noddy wagon. Well, the escalating cost of fuel, road tax and speeding fines was killing me and I was told it made environmental sense to support Korea’s car industry.’